I work three days a week. The rest of the time I spend with my family. My wife and two daughters are the center of my universe.
I spend a great deal of time daydreaming, smoking pot (medicinal, mind you, I have a fairly severe problem with anxiety), drawing, taking walks in the desert, and taking pictures of what strikes my eye. Sometimes I just sit a make up stories in my head. Intricate tales filled with characters, plots, and angst. I dream of becoming something else. Of what I would have become if I had made a different decision here or gone a different direction there. Of the infinite possibilities that have come and gone along the way to becoming what I am. I am here. At the same time my mind is everywhere. Sometimes it won't shut up. It keeps me up at night and distracts me when I try to force it to focus on any one thing for more than a few minutes.
When do get what little sleep I get, I dream so vividly that I struggle to remember where I am when I wake up. But as vivid as the dream is, it flees my grasp. I try to remember what the dreams are. Dreams that make my heart race and... I don't know. It makes me feel as if I've lost something, like a night out drinking too much and grabbing for all the pieces of memory, trying to put together some coherent narrative.
Sometimes darker thoughts pop into my head. Thoughts of death and mortality (of myself and of people that make me angry). When I find these mental abscesses spreading across my psyche, I seek an escape from the little dark corner into the light. I get a little high play some video games or read a book. Anything where I can put myself into a different world and forget my problems, if not just for a little while.
These are just some of the disjointed thoughts that float around in my head. I don't really care what anyone else makes of it. This is just me putting my thoughts and feelings into words because I can't think of anything better to do right now. I've got to admit it feels pretty good.